Long-distance care-taking by the Saint
Hi Love,
We are having a soaking rain tonight.
We have had more than a foot of snow melt in the last 24 hours.
I can't wait to see the creek when the rain stops.
Granpa just suggested that we tell you we are sandbagging!
Of course he is kidding, but I can imagine that there will be a number
of flooded roads near by.
And this is all snow in the Adk Mountains. They are measuring in feet
rather than inch depth already.
Ahhh, Spring! Always an adventure.
BBLY
Gran and Granpa
PS Son just send a super photo of a smiling happy child! Beautiful!
Monday, March 7, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
Contextual colors
It has been quite interesting to prepare for the research. Women in-laws are relating within a microcosm of being female, against a larger context of culture, time, and usually, patriarchy. I never stopped to think about how many factors influence a relationship before it even gets started, especially with a trio of women in stereotyped roles.
Personal factors would include one's own mother - is she alive? if not, when did she pass away and how old were you? what was the general tone of the relationship with her? with other-mothers e.g. aunts, grandmothers, mothers of friends?
It feels like the general "role" of mother, to me, was always very positive. This doesn't mean that there weren't conflicts, misunderstandings, or rebellions, but that the overall grounding of being a mother normally implied a sense of love and commitment. Malice of intent or other abuse were not unheard of, but rarely touched my growing years with personal knowledge or experience. I was lucky then and grateful now.
Personal factors would include one's own mother - is she alive? if not, when did she pass away and how old were you? what was the general tone of the relationship with her? with other-mothers e.g. aunts, grandmothers, mothers of friends?
It feels like the general "role" of mother, to me, was always very positive. This doesn't mean that there weren't conflicts, misunderstandings, or rebellions, but that the overall grounding of being a mother normally implied a sense of love and commitment. Malice of intent or other abuse were not unheard of, but rarely touched my growing years with personal knowledge or experience. I was lucky then and grateful now.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
definition: success
Thinking of the Angel: unhesitating in support of any kind; warm, comforting, a smile & hug. Thinking of the Saint: all the same attributes. I am a lucky in-law sandwich!
There are differences, to be sure. The Saint brings with her many years of being a mother that the Angel hasn't accrued yet. And her experience is 'other-mothering' and no less fierce and protective. I miss un-hurried conversations with them. I miss smiles and hugs. The current stresses bring into sharp relief all that I get from these two women.
Why does this work? Why does it feel successful? My definition of success seems to be wrapped in the joy and anticipation of seeing or speaking with them. Even though I am pulling in from everyone right now, I hold the memory of warmth when I think of them. So, success must be defined, for me, by the desire to be connected, to interact, and to know there is a safe haven in their company.
Success, therefore, seems to depend on the continuing, positive, interactive, connections. As they accumulate, there is room for some mis-steps to be absorbed. Added to the highly positive ratio, there is also attribution and having the beneficial context within which to make meaning of words and behaviors, it seems likely that both relationships are fairly safe, protected from a serious falling-out.
When would that be possible? If the conflict came on so suddenly as to preclude any protective contextual understanding to be in place. Those moments happen, but due to distance, I guess we have the time to let hurts or misunderstandings calm down before permanent problems arise. Thank goodness! These relationships are precious and valuable to me. I would hate to lose (push away?) the assets that I have in being related.
There are differences, to be sure. The Saint brings with her many years of being a mother that the Angel hasn't accrued yet. And her experience is 'other-mothering' and no less fierce and protective. I miss un-hurried conversations with them. I miss smiles and hugs. The current stresses bring into sharp relief all that I get from these two women.
Why does this work? Why does it feel successful? My definition of success seems to be wrapped in the joy and anticipation of seeing or speaking with them. Even though I am pulling in from everyone right now, I hold the memory of warmth when I think of them. So, success must be defined, for me, by the desire to be connected, to interact, and to know there is a safe haven in their company.
Success, therefore, seems to depend on the continuing, positive, interactive, connections. As they accumulate, there is room for some mis-steps to be absorbed. Added to the highly positive ratio, there is also attribution and having the beneficial context within which to make meaning of words and behaviors, it seems likely that both relationships are fairly safe, protected from a serious falling-out.
When would that be possible? If the conflict came on so suddenly as to preclude any protective contextual understanding to be in place. Those moments happen, but due to distance, I guess we have the time to let hurts or misunderstandings calm down before permanent problems arise. Thank goodness! These relationships are precious and valuable to me. I would hate to lose (push away?) the assets that I have in being related.
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