Thinking of the Angel: unhesitating in support of any kind; warm, comforting, a smile & hug. Thinking of the Saint: all the same attributes. I am a lucky in-law sandwich!
There are differences, to be sure. The Saint brings with her many years of being a mother that the Angel hasn't accrued yet. And her experience is 'other-mothering' and no less fierce and protective. I miss un-hurried conversations with them. I miss smiles and hugs. The current stresses bring into sharp relief all that I get from these two women.
Why does this work? Why does it feel successful? My definition of success seems to be wrapped in the joy and anticipation of seeing or speaking with them. Even though I am pulling in from everyone right now, I hold the memory of warmth when I think of them. So, success must be defined, for me, by the desire to be connected, to interact, and to know there is a safe haven in their company.
Success, therefore, seems to depend on the continuing, positive, interactive, connections. As they accumulate, there is room for some mis-steps to be absorbed. Added to the highly positive ratio, there is also attribution and having the beneficial context within which to make meaning of words and behaviors, it seems likely that both relationships are fairly safe, protected from a serious falling-out.
When would that be possible? If the conflict came on so suddenly as to preclude any protective contextual understanding to be in place. Those moments happen, but due to distance, I guess we have the time to let hurts or misunderstandings calm down before permanent problems arise. Thank goodness! These relationships are precious and valuable to me. I would hate to lose (push away?) the assets that I have in being related.
There are differences, to be sure. The Saint brings with her many years of being a mother that the Angel hasn't accrued yet. And her experience is 'other-mothering' and no less fierce and protective. I miss un-hurried conversations with them. I miss smiles and hugs. The current stresses bring into sharp relief all that I get from these two women.
Why does this work? Why does it feel successful? My definition of success seems to be wrapped in the joy and anticipation of seeing or speaking with them. Even though I am pulling in from everyone right now, I hold the memory of warmth when I think of them. So, success must be defined, for me, by the desire to be connected, to interact, and to know there is a safe haven in their company.
Success, therefore, seems to depend on the continuing, positive, interactive, connections. As they accumulate, there is room for some mis-steps to be absorbed. Added to the highly positive ratio, there is also attribution and having the beneficial context within which to make meaning of words and behaviors, it seems likely that both relationships are fairly safe, protected from a serious falling-out.
When would that be possible? If the conflict came on so suddenly as to preclude any protective contextual understanding to be in place. Those moments happen, but due to distance, I guess we have the time to let hurts or misunderstandings calm down before permanent problems arise. Thank goodness! These relationships are precious and valuable to me. I would hate to lose (push away?) the assets that I have in being related.
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