| April 23, 2010 | ||
HI, Hope. Thanks for the note--and for the book. I finished it, and it had a very cute ending. The elephant wins! I'm now on the last book of the Twilight series. Though I am appalled by (what I see as) the anti-feminist elements, I read on. I'll have to talk to Daughter 2 about it when I'm done to get her thoughts. Glad to hear the painting went well. I hope we'll get to see it soon. Love, The Angel | ||
I am so excited whenever I see an e-mail come in from the Angel! She is busy at work and on computers a great deal of the time so when she writes it means a lot to me.
Although not happy for the “company,” it is interesting that similar internal concerns are voiced by a sister:
April 25, 2010
From sister: whew! Thanks. I'm so conscious now about how I say things for [son’s partner]. It's so hard not knowing her as well as I'd like to. We just aren't together enough to know her better, darn it. I'm cautious so I don't offend without knowing it.
April 26, 2010
Reflecting on the concerns that mothers have regarding communication/interaction with the partners of their children, I don’t find the same level of anxiety with the sons-in-law. It is definitely there, but far less intense. Perhaps because contact with the daughters is more frequent? Is more personal?
How does this relate to me as a dil? I don’t feel anxiety about being misunderstood or causing offense. Is that because we’ve had 20 years to learn about this relationship and develop strategies for resolving things before they move from molehill to mountain?
April 27, 2010
Even finding an article that I think the Angel would find interesting, I am hesitant to send it. Will I over-burden her? Will I be wrong about her interests and make her feel frustrated that I don’t know her? Am I taking away her power to decide on subjects and timing for herself and I should just send the darned thing?
Similar hesitation about sending things to the Saint, but for different reasons as well as over-lapping ones. I don’t want to be wrong about her interests or crowd her in-box with unwanted trivia. Additionally, I know that we interpret politics and some life events differently and I don’t want to add conflict to our relationship (especially when we are not face-to-face in order to have a good, solid discussion that includes non-verbal cues and information). This also falls into the category of taking her power to decide, but there is another facet: If I send something for interest or informational purpose, I don’t want to be persuaded about another point-of-view without having asked for it.
Since I value the Saint’s opinions, even the ones with which I disagree, it feels like this reluctance is due to limited time and energy resources. In all honesty, I must also be on guard against my own propensity to “convince through essays/articles” of my own position. Indirect at best but not (I hope) seen as passive-aggressive. That brings things full circle in that it is more beneficial (and honest) to raise the differing ideas when we are together so there is no hint of subterfuge.
No comments:
Post a Comment