Review June 2010

June 2, 2010

Reading the general audience books re: in-law relationships, I wonder why my perception of my own thoughts seem so different from those offered as “normal.”  An example is that parents think/muse/dream/expect a potential spouse for their child.  I don’t remember giving it much, if any, thought at all.

Exploring reasons for this memory, I come up with a few different answers:  1) that it truly didn’t matter to me because the decision was theirs, not mine, 2) that I was so distracted by my own life activities that I didn’t have time to process these thoughts before the kids made their choices real-life people, 3) that it would never have been a conscious thought until/if a potential partner was quite far from the main-stream commonality of familiar characteristics, 4) that my children are not so different from me, therefore their assumed partners would fall within those parameters as well, 5) I am re-writing history in my own mind and there had always been a general image in my expectations.

Damn, was I lucky!

June 10, 2010

Talking with Daughter 2 about in-laws; she wishes she knew the Angel better.  When I say that, despite encouragement, I find it difficult to call, she responds that it appears I am the most reluctant of everyone.  I recognize that and, once again, try to will myself not to be worried about intruding.  Daughter 2 agrees that the time zone difference is a challenge as is the pace of everyone’s life.  We would both like to be more like Daughter 1 and just spontaneously call.  A work in progress J

June 19, 2010

What is the definition of successful?  I believe that both relationships are successful, but not as deep as I’d like.  So, successful at this point means 1) without conflict, 2) enjoyment/pleasure during interactions, but lacking 3) desired frequency and 4) deeper emotional connections.  I wonder what I mean by deeper emotional connections. 

I want to know more of their history, their honest opinions, and their thoughts about their lives and hopes.  I want to know them as people, not just as titled (empty?) family relationships.  One author stated that mothers only think of daughters-in-law through their sons.  One interviewee went so far as to say that she saw her sons as unique and her daughters-in-law as interchangeable.  I am surprised by this.  Maybe that is because, even on the limited level that I know my children-in-law, they each have different facets of their personalities, likes/dislikes, and interaction styles?

June 29, 2010

Often it feels like all six of the kids are in the same level of interaction with me.  That has pro and con aspects:  I like that there is not a raw, blatant distinction in my feelings for birth and in-law.  That lack of distinction is partially due to the distance that seems to be present with everyone.  Partially this is due to my distraction with school, partially due to the geographical distance, and also due to the changes that can be observed (only felt?) whenever we are together.  They are all doing interesting things, personally and professionally, that happen outside of my experience.  I have no desire to be involved or interfere/advise, but I wish I could watch and know more about whatever they would be willing to share.

I also wish that we lived closer to the Saint.  It would be nice to have deeper conversations as well as informal chats; to spend time understanding the genealogical adventures and the experiences of being a daughter-in-law, a mother-in-law, a grandmother.  Huge challenge with few options that don’t require energy, money, and focus needed for academic and household activities.